NTKG, Reporting

A small band of masked intruders has broken into the secure White House grounds and has evaded capture by agents of the new Obama administration, officials said today.

The National Park Service is in pursuit of one very large raccoon and several medium-sized raccoons, who have been spotted roaming the grounds around the Executive Mansion and the West Wing, a spokesman said.

“The idea of raccoons on the White House grounds give us great pause,” spokesman Bill Burton said.

Dear Washington Post,

While our country is facing record levels of unemployment, debt, and a financial crisis unseen since the Great Depression, could you please not give prominence to an article about animals roaming the White House grounds—especially animals which we can see any day of the week? Now, if a polar bear somehow found it’s way to the West Wing, then I may take you more seriously, but until then, I’ve cancelled my subscription.

Best,
NTKG